


Nothing

by TuskedLioness



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, fearful asymmetry entry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 09:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16172645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuskedLioness/pseuds/TuskedLioness
Summary: (My entry to the Jasper fanzine, Fearful Asymmetry.)Lapis and Jasper are trapped in Malachite's mindscape, and heated discussions are inevitable.





	Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of thanks to Rhandi for starting this amazing zine! It was so wonderful to contribute. :)
> 
> It's been a couple days since we were allowed to post the entries, and I'm still a bundle of nerves about posting this lol. This was a huge challenge to write, but I wanted to push my boundaries. I'm still so baffled I got into this zine and another thanks to Rhandi for considering me. <3
> 
> I'd also like to thank the people who beta'd for me and helped boost my confidence as well as helped this reach perfection. :D Love ya'll.~

The chains were still. It had taken weeks of struggling for Jasper to realize her efforts were futile in a place like this. She just wasn’t as strong inside a mindscape as she was in the physical world and Lapis was too determined to never unfuse. All Jasper could do was wait. She’d wait until Lapis tired out and that’s when Jasper would strike, escaping this miserable fusion.

Jasper felt Lapis glance down into the watery surface below. It was the consequence of being a fusion- having their thoughts interlinked; seeing everything the other saw. Lapis’s eyes followed the chains and, deep underwater, she saw her “prisoner,” just a fleck in the water. Jasper was a monster up close, who’d make sure to tower over Lapis, at least a head taller than the average Quartz. But down here, Jasper looked so small to Lapis.

A snarl built in Jasper’s throat. She jolted the chains to make Lapis snap out of it.

 _You wait till I get up there. Then I won’t be so small to you,_ Jasper thought, knowing that whatever went through her mind would also go into Lapis’s. Lapis said nothing. She felt nothing either. She should be afraid of Jasper and her threats, but Lapis was always a naïve brat.

Jasper narrowed her eyes. “Do you have any idea what will happen when we unfuse?”

“We’ll never unfuse,” Lapis said.

Jasper barked a laugh. “You really think you can hold onto _me_ for this long?!” she said. “One day, you’re going to falter! When I bring you back to Homeworld-”

“You can’t bring us back,” Lapis said. “You fused with a different type of Gem. You failed the most basic mission and your client is missing. No Gem will respect you for that.”

“Is your mind defective? As long as I shatter Rose Quartz and end that garbage war-”

“The war ended 5,000 years ago,” Lapis said. “Your actions will mean nothing.”

Jasper bellowed, pulling the chains even harder than before, straining Lapis’s arms. A few waves kicked up but Lapis held her ground. If this mindscape wasn’t cognitive, she would’ve knocked over Lapis _easily_. “It isn’t over! Rose Quartz is still out there! As long as I finish her off, I’ll...” Jasper stopped.

Lapis said nothing, and Jasper realized she was waiting for Jasper to finish the sentence. _All my problems will be gone,_ Jasper thought. Uncertainty stirred in her.

Lapis ignored it. “No one will care.” Lapis’s thoughts drifted to the Cluster, which she had learned from Jasper after fusing. “The Earth will die anyway. There’s no point.”

“I want to shatter her _myself!_ ” Jasper spat.

“You can’t. You’re fused with me now and we’ll stay that way until the Cluster destroys us.”

Jasper’s insides burned. The longer she talked to Lapis, the more her frustration doubled. “You’re pathetic! Are you really so spiteful you’re willing to have us both shattered?”

“You don’t understand what I went through.”

Jasper scoffed. “It’s all you ever think about in this fusion. Of course I know.”

“You’ve never experienced it.” 

“Get over yourself.”

“You’re not going to shatter Rose Quartz,” Lapis changed the subject.

“What will you earn from doing this?” Jasper growled. “You hate the Crystal Gems too! We can beat them together, you know. They kept you in that mirror. They used you! They’re the ones you should be taking this out on!”

Lapis’s eyes widened. Jasper felt fury bubble up inside her. “Homeworld put me in the mirror!” Lapis shot back. “And you’re the reason I’m on Earth!”

“Me?”

“If it wasn’t for having to make your kindergarten, I wouldn’t be here at all!”

Jasper looked up at her. “ _You_ made my kindergarten?”

“I wasn’t allowed to finish the canyon! I’m the one that got complaints for how bad it turned out! That place and every Gem made in it is the reason I was still stuck on Earth when-”

“So you’re the one who made the canyon like that?” Jasper demanded. “You’re the reason so many Betas got shattered?! You made them weak!”

“Don’t blame me!”

“You’re even more selfish than I thought. How can you do such a lazy job at the cost of hundreds of soldiers?”

“I did my best! It’s your Diamond’s fault the Betas turned out wrong!”

“ _DON’T YOU DARE BLAME MY DIAMOND!_ ”

“I didn’t order Gems to carelessly put the injectors in! I didn’t order myself to make a canyon as quickly as possible in a poor location! I didn’t order Gems to cook you hideous off-colors too quickly so that you’d all be defective! Pink Diamond did!!!”

“Pink Diamond had to!”

“And look where that led!” Lapis said. “Pink Diamond wasn’t even my Diamond but I was forced to work for her because she was too incompetent!”

“She wasn’t incompetent!”

“Yes she was! Her incompetency is why _YOU_ exist!!! If she wasn’t incompetent, SHE WOULDN’T NEED BETA!!!”

“SHUT UP!!!!”  

Lapis shut her mouth, but Jasper knew it wasn’t because she was listening to her. Lapis was just sick of talking about this. Silence fell over them. The water stilled. A sickness settled in the center of Jasper’s form.

Confusion swirled in her mind too.

_She’s lying…right? I’m not defective filth like everyone else Earth ruined…right? I’m an Earthling but…aren’t I a good one?!_

_Aren’t I???_

“Jasper…” Lapis began. “Look-”

Jasper interrupted her. “So…what is it then?” she snarled. “Are you blaming me or my Diamond?”

“Both,” Lapis spat.

Jasper chuckled darkly. “As if I asked to be made…. Do you want me to apologize for existing? Is that what you want me to do? Did I come to you the day you were assigned to terraform Beta and ask you to make me?”

Lapis bit her lip.

Something hot and painful suddenly wrenched inside Jasper. Lapis knew it and felt it too. Jasper hated sharing the same mind. “Do you really think…I asked to exist?” Jasper rasped.

“No,” Lapis said.

“Then why?!”

Silence fell over them again. Hatred filled Jasper to the brim but it wasn’t towards Lapis. It was towards Jasper. Was Lapis feeling that or was Jasper?

“I know she wasn’t perfect…” Jasper admitted.

Lapis said nothing.

“But back then, how was I supposed to know she wasn’t?! I was _made_ for her. The very first thought I had, before I had to defend my kindergarten from those Crystal Gems, was that I existed for a purpose, and that purpose was to fight for _her!_ ”

“…”

“…But I learned the hard way. I had to figure out that everything I was made for was a joke. The reason she shattered was because she came out wrong; maybe if she didn’t, she would have withstood Rose. Only perfection can prevail on Homeworld; everything else is a disgrace! I try hard every day to not be what I am, okay?!”

“…”

Jasper shook her head. “But…I’m still better than everyone else that belonged to that garbage planet. I earned my keep; I proved myself. I should be grateful.”

“You shouldn’t,” Lapis said.

“Why?” Jasper demanded.

“Because you’re all alone. You don’t belong anywhere anymore.”

“I belong to Homeworld.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Jasper’s throat tightened. She swallowed the lump in throat.

“I know you aren’t grateful,” Lapis murmured. “You still feel like a failure.”

“Stop…JUST STOP!” Jasper screamed. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND STOP!”

“Fine.”

Jasper heaved a sigh, bubbles escaping her lips. They sat in silence together, the most silence they’ve had since before fusing. Not even the chains clacked; they were too still.

Two steady streams of thoughts trickled alongside each other, close to blending but refusing to. Lapis and Jasper felt both of them. Although their origins and stories were different, they both shared two things: pain from the war and the isolation that lasted for thousands of years.

Memories flashed in their heads. Lapis’s lack of stimulation and Jasper shelved for independent, lowly escort work, instead of what she was made for. Lapis’s stress and worries festering to the point she thought she’d lose her mind forever. Jasper watching Quartzes of the same kindergarten bond while she belonged nowhere. Lapis, in the mirror, treated as a thoughtless object. Jasper looked down upon for being from Earth. Distress. Loneliness. Wondering why they still existed.

Jasper snarled. “I get it, okay?!” She clenched her fists, knuckles paling and claws digging into her palm. Her form trembled and she clenched her eyes shut. “Look, I get it! I get it! Now can we stop?!”

“Jasper…”

“ _What?_ ”

Lapis looked at the surface she sat upon. She placed her hand on it.

“What?” Jasper said again.

Lapis paused. “Nothing…”

Lapis’s withdrawal was useless. Her feelings did the talking instead as they streamed into Jasper’s psyche outside Lapis’s control. Jasper twitched and dug her claws into her own hair.

Lapis didn’t want to be alone anymore.

Jasper blinked slowly. _I don’t want to be alone either._

Lapis’s eyebrows rose. Her cheeks darkened, filled with embarrassment as well as shock that Jasper responded to that thought. Jasper’s face heated up with embarrassment.

Jasper hated being trapped- it was shameful; it was embarrassing. There was so much immense power that this fusion could exert but all of it was used to hold herself down. She hated Lapis…so then, why did she crave this brat’s company? No matter the reason, Lapis already knew about it.

Lapis looked down at Jasper. Jasper averted her face immediately from Lapis’s gaze. She curled so far under the water, chains wrapping around her.

Lapis paused. Hesitantly, she sank her hand into the surface…and paused again. After thinking for a moment, she slowly let herself get enveloped in the water and allowed herself to descend. The chains loosened between them until Lapis was only a few feet from Jasper. Jasper turned her head, eyes focused on her, her muscles tensing up ever so slightly. Lapis stared intently back at her, eyes full of curiosity and warning.

_We don’t have to be alone by ourselves._

“Lapis,” Jasper rumbled.

Lapis just looked at her.

“Stay.”

Jasper hesitated. Then, carefully, she inched her arm forward, her hand slowly brushing above Lapis’s hand. Lapis gasped and retracted. Jasper followed along in unison, withdrawing her own arm from Lapis. They both looked at each other again, eyes wide.

Lapis waited a moment then crept a couple centimeters closer. She reached out this time. The tip of her finger touched Jasper’s hand. A chill shot up Jasper’s body, her claws unsheathed and her muscles tensed even more. Even Lapis tensed up but she continued anyway. Eventually Lapis finished her journey, resting her whole palm on top of Jasper’s hand. The hand was so cold, the opposite of Jasper’s warmth.

They stayed like that for a long time, muscles tight, not moving an inch, just staring at each other while in sync with one another’s emotions. It was tense, it was alarming, it was confusing; it was… _addicting_ …weirdly enough. Warmth flowed out of Lapis’s cold touch, like a rising tide, filling Jasper up. Jasper realized she hadn’t been touched like this since being deported to Yellow’s colony and this small sensation alone was enough to make her form practically melt. For just a second, they almost forgot they hated each other.

Their movements were so gradual that, at some point, they had leaned into each other without realizing it. Lapis pressed against Jasper’s warm body, her fingers digging through Jasper’s hair and gripping onto the back of her uniform. Jasper nuzzled into Lapis’s shoulder, claws out and clutching her but not enough to break her flesh. They remained like that for a long while, their guards up but feeling secure at the same time, with no indication of letting go anytime soon.

They may have hated each other, but in this moment, all that mattered was not being alone. Just for a moment…a very long moment…

“This changes nothing between us, got it?” Jasper murmured.

“Nothing,” Lapis said.


End file.
